Más Azúcar, si us plau: A Brief Overview of Spanish and Catalan Dessert Options

Just FYI: I have the world’s biggest sweet tooth. 

In my mind, I eat food so that I can justify eating dessert. Walking into a restaurant, I immediately look for a dessert display. One of my strongest beliefs is that when someone says that something is “too rich” they are actually saying “wait, this food, it tastes too good for my mouth, I cannot handle it,” (Think about it. It’s true!!) ... I could go on and on and on! In short, Liza hearts sugar.

Anywho, for all these reasons, Spanish desserts are a strong interest of mine: What are they? Where can you get them, and for how much? Which ones are actually a little too Spanish for any logical person's taste, i.e. just a ton of unsweetened whipped cream and blechhh almond paste in a ramekin? All these questions and more, answered in the following overview. 

Try not to drool, after le jump.

THE TASTY DELICIOUS DESSERT REVELATIONS

Magdalena: A lemon-y muffin, technically translated into English as a Madeline but nevertheless very very different from their lesser French, shell-shaped counterpart. Namely: they are sweeter, fluffier, and a million times more delicious. I eat these every day, yo. Magdalena + Cola Cao = taste of my nonexistent-Spanish childhood.

Orange with sugar: Step 1: Cut up an orange. Step 2: Sprinkle sugar on the orange. Step 3: BE AMAZED AT HOW DELICIOUS IT IS. I first consumed this at a free lunch with our highly mediocre Spanish teacher Tanít (or Vomít. as I like to call her), and I therefore had little faith in her recommendation. But, seriously, delicious. Who would have thought to put sugar on an orange??? The Catalanes, that’s who! So good!!

Cola Cao: A sort of Nesquik that is beloved by all Spaniards, sold in giant barrel-like containers. I first encountered it via my Andalusian host sister, Sandra, who served it to me every day for merienda. Here in Barcelona at the nearby grocery store, they actually have a pack where you can buy a kilo of Cola Cao and get a free pair of light-up shoes... I am not even kidding. Childhood dreams DO come true!! (Also notable: the regular, non-turbo version literally takes a vortex of stirring to get 90% dissolved. Evidently Spaniards enjoy having large globs of undissolved cocao powder in their milk??? Eughhhh)

Maria Cookie: The Spanish version of Digestives, traditionally paired with some Cola Cao and infinitely translated into other dessert lexicons: i.e. Maria Cookie gelato, Mini Maria Cookies, Maria Cookies in pudding, Maria Cookie-flavored waffles... EVERYTHING. I do not exaggerate when I say that they are like tiny pieces of carb-y crack. Just FYI: available in the US!

Gaufre: True, these are definitely not Spanish/Catalan/anything of the Iberian peninsula. Buttttttt that doesn’t mean that they don’t sell them everywhere and/or that they are not absolutely delish!!! Fun fact #1: This delectable picture was actually taken by Mama Joe, because gaufres actually look slash ARE that delicious, in real life. Fun fact #2: Gaufres cost three euro anywhere in the Barri Gotic, but on the Rambla, where competition is more numerous, you can get one for two euro. Fun fact #3: If you are really frugal, you can get a mediocre pack of two for 97 centavos at the grocery store. Awww yeah.

(not actually from the UPF coffee machine, but that tiny cafe-con-leche bear WISHES it was)

Coffee Machine Coffee: The coffee machine next to our class at UPF is actually the highlight of my morning, each and every morning. I mean, it is delicious, and also, amazingly, every drink is only 50 CENTAVOS! We also recently realized (thanks to a tip from M.Morras) that the mysterious button "Brou" means "Broth." Yes, that's right, the machine also doles out veggie broth, so mind bogglingly ingenious!! This machine is all a girl can ask for, really.

For the record, not all European coffee machines are so excellent. I once tried machine-coffee in Paris to contrast the coffee machines here, and I had to throw it out after two sips. It wasn’t even 5% as delicious, yet it was three times as expensive!! Worst.

These Catalanes, they have good ideas about coffee—namely, 50% milk, 4 packets of sugar. I can tell you with confidence that these tiny coffees are the only thing keeping me awake during M. Morras’ lectures on obscure troubadours of 13^th century Catalonia. Part of me wants to leave all my shit here in Barcelona and just take this coffee machine home with me, so that we can be 2getha 4eva and evah. Delta would let me, right?? How overweight could it possibly be????

Spanish Melon: Oh, you already know my feelings on that one.

THE MEDIOCRELY-OKAY TREATS

Membrillo: An Iberian/Mediterranean treat, consisting of a fatty, semi-solid quince marmalade. It’s best consumed with some Burgos cheese (white, plain cheese) on some pan tostado. I like membrillo, but it’s not something I would eat every day. For the record, last time I was in Spain, I tried to bring some membrillo home for my parents, but they seized it in Paris customs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rar. French people are no fun.

Natillas: A recent discovery at the market, natillas are a sort of bland vanilla pudding with a delicious cinnamon-y Maria cookie on top.  Fundamentally, they blend my love of Maria Cookies + vanilla pudding + the general concept of cookies in pudding into one convenient, pre-packaged cup. (Spain has some great ideas, man!) But, seriously, they need to up the vanilla in the pudding. That would bump it up to the previous category, and out of mediocre-land.

Crema Catalana: Does this dish look familiar to you? Good, because it's actually just creme brûlée, but in a faux-rustic, paella-esque ramekin. bbbbbbbut don’t ever tell a Catalan person that. For your own good.

THE “FINE, I WILL EAT THIS, BUT JUST BECAUSE I AM SPAIN AND FUNDAMENTALLY CAN’T REJECT ANYTHING WITH SUGAR IN IT” DESSERTS

Flan: Spanish people love flan. You can even but it in toothpaste tubes. Erlack. SO SLIMY.

Turrón: Super bland almond paste-bars, beloved by all Spaniards. Walking around in any given neighborhood, you can spot a Turrón shop every couple blocks of so. It's a big deal.... further proof that peer pressure does wonders. Why not just eat some cement-flaked cardboard?

In short: I will be diabetic by the age of 25... or maybe that's too generous?