Spanish Grandma = Your Grandma

Well, another day in Andalucia, another day of having my host dad try to convince me—this time, with multimedia supplied via the internet—why Spanish fascism was a great thing.

Still, chillin' for the past three days with my legs warmed by the brasero and heart warmed by some ancianos andaluces (old Andalusian people), I have just been happy to be chillin'. Tortilla española all day, errrday, yo.

Here, like my very own chain-letter—that would probably be distributed via the Ukrainian-Doctor-Wife listhost if only you changed "grandma" to "babushka" and "love" to "cabbage,"—I present a short list, entitled:

Grandmas Are All Pretty Much the Same, No Matter What Old Country They Are Referring To And/or Where You Are

1) Something in the very act of you walking around without socks will create intense rage within their normally docile person. (So small, so angry!!) Any true grandma will yell at you angrily about how you are going to catch a cold/flu/the herp due to your uncovered feet... I can only estimate that this myth is the product of the fact that grandmas are all somehow foot-phobic, and also that maybe perhaps mayybeee biology classes were not required pre-WWII. But, seriously, watch out.

2) When you wipe your nose with your sleeve, any grandma will, at least, glare at you. The sensitivity of your nostrils is a #1 hot topic in her mind. Of course, she will then knowingly hand you a large pile of tissues from their pocket. Question: Why do grandmas always have so many tissues at their disposal? Answer: Grandma secret code.

3) Feeding you 24/7 = love. Not feeding you at all and telling you to drink Slimfast = my grandma.

4) So much folk wisdom, all the time. Andalusian G-ma keeps referring to villains on telenovelas as "él que tiene dos caras como las lentejas" aka "he has two faces, like lentils!!" This is evidently a very common saying in Andalusia. So, yes, evidently: lentils, not to be trusted. (FYI My baba used to say, "Хамай, какай, не балакай" which means "Eat, poop, don't talk." Like poetry, the Ukrainian language is...)

5) Anecdotes from 30 years ago are the closest you're gonna get to modern day, sry2say.

6) If you show any interest in any photo in her place of residence—even if it is, like, a brochure for walkers—you better have the ability to convincingly feign interest because, yes, the entire photo album collection will be coming out, and you will have to look at every picture. Aaaand there will be lots of naked babies.


7) They smell like soup.*


*I feel like this one is a line from a movie or something, but, nevertheless, so true. My baba smells like cabbage soup, oi.

 That said, I love soup, and warm feet, and tissues, and folk wisdom, and sometimes even photo albums. For that reason, yes, I love grandmas. I really do.